at my school there’s an english teacher and an american teacher and they always glare at each other and when they pass each other in the hallway the american teacher will say ‘good show governor’ or something and the english teacher will say ‘god bless the land of the free’ and both in terrible accents and like the whole school ships it
Mike Wazowski joins the Avengers.
THOR’S HAMMER IS BLOCKING HIS FACE I AM DYING
ALL DOGS SEE YOU AT YOUR MOST UNFLATTERING ANGLE WHERE IT LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE TWELVE THOUSAND CHINS AND THEY ARE STILL SO HAPPY TO SEE YOUR BEAUTIFUL SELF THAT THEIR ENTIRE BODY VIBRATES, HOW GREAT IS THAT?
before you do something please ask yourself “is this something that steve rogers would do” and if it isn’t, don’t do it
i’m gonna fist fight someone in an alley
white people after listening to iggy azealia
yall in 2009: i will never send nudes!
yall today: pussy or butthole
“I got both of them from local shelters. When I got her in 2006, the staff told me she was a shepherd husky. I go to the dog park, I’m meeting people with shepherd husky mixes, and they look nothing like her. I get in my car, I’m driving, I look in the rearview mirror, I see these eyes and I’m like, I’ve got a wolf in my car. Then, when she was 10-months old, there was a shepherd breeder and trainer in the dog park, and at the end of the lesson, the trainer came up to me and asked, ‘What kind of dog is that?’ And I’m thinking, Shepherd husky. You should know, you are a breeder. She said, ‘That’s a wolf.’”
Thats mildly hilarious
things your friends will say if you’ve made a good pun:
- get out
- fuck you
- shut the fuck up
- oh my god why
- you need to stop
- you’re not funny
- that was terrible
dude god could come down from heaven with a million angels and tell me that gif is pronounced “jif” and i still wouldn’t fucking do it
i swiped my card at mcdonalds like please GOD! if youre real let this transaction approve and it did and i was like well i need more proof thanks though
emma’s career after harry potter
everyone else’s career after harry potter